Peace reflexes

Sometimes, just a single reflex can avoid igniting the violence of others: withholding the move, gesture, words or tone that will provoke its outbreak.
It's the first peace reflex.

In other situations, it's quite the opposite: one can succeed in calming down violence by formulating with firmness the limits that the other(s) should never trespass: by clearly saying NO, and by adding that violence is unacceptable between humans.
It's a second peace reflex.

Third, even when the balance of power is heavily imbalanced to start with, it can be reversed to one's advantage, by shaking and destabilising the aggressor's psychology. The vast majority of people can't imagine being capable of this reversal, even though the possibility is always there.

To convince oneself, one needs to become conscience that the "violent" guy or gal is also afraid, most likely  as much as we are. In such cases, there are several other possible peace reflexes, which call for inventiveness and which seek to create a "positive destabilization" that reverses the balance of power.

Peace reflexes according to the situation:

There is no one way of being or acting that works in every situation, except one: to keep one's cool so as to choose the best-adapted peace reflexes...

1. Let the situation cool down

• Hold back the gesture or word that will feed and inflame the violence  

• Let the angry one empty his bag of complaints.

2. Clearly formulate the limits (one's limits) that are not to be trespassed

• Be able to say NO to stop the violence  

• use the silence that follows:

  • to figure out which words and gestures will be the most efficient to defuse the situation  

  • to test the fear of the aggressor.

3. Say the words/do the gestures that will have a positive effect on the aggressor's psychology

• to defuse his anger, his aggressiveness

• to reverse the balance of power (the psychological one if the physical one seems hopeless)  

• to create a "positive destabilization " of the aggressor (with one's eyes, gestures, words, with one's humour, or with a totally unexpected reaction,…)

The idea is to reverse the balance the power by:

• modifying the aggressor's certainties

• showing empathy just when the angry or violent one was expecting to be belittled. looked down on or scorned at

• finding the crack in the other's armour. reaching to his emotions

4. Keep a cool head, be creative and:

• imagine inventive diversions

• or attract the attention of others (noise, mobile telephone, call for help, go for help with determination, ask someone to come up and mediate …)  

• or create situations that the aggressor did not imagine or plan.

The idea here is to reverse the balance of power by one's creativeness and one's determination

5. Propose a dialogue

• and either offer to go part of the other's way and ask the other to do the same

• and/or propose a third way, or even several third ways

The idea here is to be proactive and give space for the other to make a step, and do that without him/her losing face.